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After playing this, I almost feel
like I owe the programmers at Saurus an apology.
Shinoken may have been a big letdown to even the most loyal
Neo-Geo or Saturn fan, but Sailor Moon Super S takes crappy
fighting games to a whole new level. Specifically, the
basement floor, buried somewhere in the boxes of musty old
clothes that went out of fashion faster than the Sailor Moon
animated series.
 Sailor
Moon Super S is subtitled Various Emotion, and I can
understand why. You'll experience all kinds of emotions
while playing it... anger, frustration, resentment, and
ultimately, the kind of bitter disappointment that could only
result from wasting your money on the unspeakable horror that
is this game.
Part of this disappointment comes
from the computer rendered graphics, which turn everyone's
favorite saccharin-flavored, skirt-wearing soldiers of love
into stiff, lifeless Barbie dolls. It would seem that,
in their mad dash to cash in on the latest game design trend,
the unfittingly named Angel forgot that hand-drawn artwork was
what made Sailor Moon and her friends so endearing.
What's most baffling is that the characters are appropriately
depicted as cartoons in nearly every other part of the game
except the one place it mattered most... during the actual
fights.
That alone may be enough to
convince you not to purchase Sailor Moon Super S, but terrible
graphics are just one of its many, many shortcomings. I
haven't even talked about the gameplay yet! I'd call it
a slapped-together mess, but that implies that there was some
(if only a little) work put into its design. It would be
more accurate to say that the gameplay was excreted by the
designers after a balanced breakfast of bran flakes, bran
muffins, and sausage from bran-fed pigs, all washed down with
a tall, cool glass of orange-flavored Metamucil. It's a
runny, half-digested pile of a game engine, scented with the
foul aroma of poor execution and unforgivably stupid
ideas.
At the beginning of each game,
you're presented with a wheel which lets you customize your
character's strengths and weaknesses. This was already a
lousy idea for a fighting game, but the concept of
customizable abilities is made even worse when you discover
that not loading up on certain attributes cripples your
character, leaving them helpless in battle. Get this...
one stat determines the frequency that your heroine will
involuntarily taunt. Fail to fill this one to the brim
and she'll be frozen in place the moment you let go of the
D-pad, making her an easy target for the aggressive computer
opponents. Taking control away from the player without a
valid reason is completely unacceptable... even the most
incompetant game designers have to know this. Every one
of them but Angel, anyway.
Even when you CAN control your
Sailor Scout, you can't always rely on them. Even simple
special moves can be distressingly difficult to perform, and
the smooth flowing movement you've come to expect from the
Saturn's best fighters is a luxury you're not afforded in this
one. Naturally, the computer opponents aren't bound by
the limitations of an unresponsive controller, and will drop
you to the floor in a matter of minutes with all the powerful
throws and dynamic super moves you couldn't pull off
yourself.
These are just a few of the many
things that make Sailor Moon Super S the worst 2D fighting
game on the Saturn. I probably couldn't list all of the
game's flaws without running out of space (not just on this
server, but on the entire Internet...), so I'll just wrap up
this review with a parting thought. No matter how much
you love your Saturn or the cast of Sailor Moon, there's just
no room in your collection for a game like this. |
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Sailor Moon Super
S
Bandai/Angel
Horrendous Versus Fighter
 
To disable the involuntary
taunting (and keep what little remains of your sanity after
you play this), tap right twice and up five times when you
first enter the "Ability Customize" screen.
Aggravatingly high for a fighting
game. There's kanji galore, making it tough to change
options and customize your character.
It's pretty bad... just like the
rest of the game. You'll wait for twelve seconds for a
fight to begin, although you'll be thankful for the extended
break from the awful action.
Sailor Moon games were released
for nearly every Japanese console in the 1990's. All of
them were better than this one.
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